The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. (1 Kings 11-13)
I suffer from insomnia. It’s worse the more stressed I am. Lately it’s been pretty bad for numerous reasons. My move, transitioning to a monthly paycheck, lots of projects on my plate (work and otherwise), and more.
That means I’m usually wide awake around 3am and my brain is spinning like mad. I don’t immediately pray, I play a game or two, look at social media, maybe even read. (I am so freaking stubborn, friends. I know I should pray but I dig my heels in and try everything else before that. *thank you Lord, for being so patient with me*)
Then I finally pray in that quiet stillness. That’s when I can really hear the voice of God. It’s not loud, it’s a tugging at my heart that I can’t ignore. I tell God everything that’s going on. Everything bothering me. I make sure I thank him too, after all, I have been so very very blessed.
And even though I fight that silent time with God, I’m grateful for it. It’s in that moment that I really feel him in my life and my heart.
As stunning as the thunder and lightning is, as frightening as the fire and earthquakes can be, I’m learning that when God is closest to me is when I am still and can hear his gentle whisper.
Thank you, Lord, for your patience with me as you lead me to those quiet moments where I can really feel and hear you in my heart. Amen.