Then he began to call down curses, and he swore to them, “I don’t know the man!” Immediately a rooster crowed. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly. (Matthew 26:74-75)
The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?”He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” (John 21:17)
When I read about Peter, I find a lot that resonates with me. His passion, his outspokenness, his love for Jesus. But when push came to shove, when Peter’s life was on the line, he denied knowing Jesus.
If you’re a parent, I’m sure you have stories of when your kids broke a rule and then denied it. That stubborn look on their face – you know they are lying to you about it but they double down and deny any wrongdoing because they know they are in trouble for what they did and don’t want to be punished.
That’s Peter, too. In the moment, when he knew he might be punished in some way – either a flogging or even death – he lied.
The past few weeks, I’ve had a few times where my anger got the best of me. I lashed out at people I care about. I’ve wallowed in my anger and struggled to let it go. When I’m mad, I go for walks or hikes because being out in nature helps calm me down. I look around and see God’s beauty and can find my way back to Him. I realized yesterday that I shouldn’t have to walk, I’m letting myself stew in that anger until I hit the trail. Even when I’m walking it can take me a while to stop and calm down. I walked almost 30 minutes yesterday before I saw something that reminded me that God is with me – a beautiful heron in a tree. As I looked at the sight, I wondered how many other beautiful things I’d missed because I’d held on to my anger. I stood there on the trail, looking at the heron, amazed at how beautiful it was, and apologized to God for letting my anger blind me.
I don’t want to waste any more time away from God. I don’t want to deny Him for even a minute. My anger was keeping me from God, and even holding onto it as long as it took me to get to the trail and start walking was too long.
Every moment of every day is our chance to show God that we love him. When we allow our emotions to take over, we are denying God in our lives.
It was weeks before Jesus showed himself again to the disciples. Weeks where Peter probably beat himself up because he denied Jesus. But when Jesus asked him “Do you love me?” three times, Peter was hurt. Instead of understanding that Jesus was giving him a chance to redeem himself, once for each time he’d denied Jesus, he thought once was enough.
I don’t think we should beat ourselves up over and over from wrongs we’ve done. Trust me, there have been plenty of nights I’ve tossed and turned because of something I’ve done that has hurt other people – sometimes things from 30 years ago! What I’m saying is that when we mess up, we need to admit it immediately, apologize, and then find out way back to God.
If we hurt others, then we are not reflecting Jesus back on the world. We are allowing the brokenness inside of us to own us in those moments. Admit it, apologize, turn back to God and then – and this is the important part – work on ourselves so we don’t fall back into that behavior.
I was talking about my anger with a friend last weekend and they told me that when they feel anger, they go right to God with it. My goal for now is to do the same thing. The minute I feel it coming over me I need to let it go. Stewing on it doesn’t help – it just keeps me away from God for even longer.
We are all flawed human beings. We will all make mistakes. The idea is to acknowledge it the moment it happens instead of giving it more time to rule you. Turn to God. Trust Him. He knows you love him and He wants you back with Him. He doesn’t want it to keep you away for more than a moment.
Almighty God, please help me remember to turn to You immediately when I sin. Please help me remember that You know I love You, but I need to say it out loud as I struggle through my anger or other moments of weakness. You have blessed me with so many good things – please help me remember to focus on those instead of allowing my feelings of anger or fear to take over. You rule my heart, God. Please help me remember that every moment of every day. Amen.