Furious

But God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?”
“It is,” he said. “And I’m so angry I wish I were dead.”
 But the Lord said, “You have been concerned about this plant, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. And should I not have concern for the great city of Nineveh, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left—and also many animals?”
Jonah 4:9 – 11

I used to be a big fan of hiking. When I finally got back to working out this year, it was summertime. Which means bugs. Lots of bugs. I went on one hike and was pestered by tons of bugs, even though I had covered myself in bug spray. I decided “no more hiking” after that horrid experience, so started hitting the treadmill. I workout on the treadmill 5 days a week for 40 minutes at a pace of 2.6 mph. Not bad for an out of shape fluffy woman!

This past weekend was gorgeous. Sunny with an expected high of 70 on Saturday. Most of the bugs were gone, thanks to a cold snap earlier that week, so I decided to go for a hike at my favorite trail, Oak Hill, in Cuyahoga Valley National Park. Here’s a pic of a beautiful sight on that trail:

Gorgeous, no?

Sadly, I had the worst time ever on that 1.6 mile hike. I was angry, and I couldn’t tell you why. I was FURIOUS. I have never hiked so angrily in my life. I love nature, it’s my God time and usually I love every moment. But not this time. I had thoughts roiling in my head and none of them were happy. I angrily stomped through that entire hike. I didn’t notice anything. I didn’t care. I didn’t talk to God, I was just MAD.

When I got home, I messaged a friend to try and figure out why it affected me that way. She wondered if it was because I’m so solitary most of the time now, that I was unhappy being alone on the trail. Normally I listen to an audiobook on the treadmill and maybe I’m just not used to the silence. I talked to God a bit about it but just couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me.

Then I thought of the book of Jonah – most specifically, Jonah and the flower. I thought about his anger towards God and the people of Nineveh, and the worm that ate the flower. I thought of how he missed the entire point of God sending him the flower and how it tied in with the saving of the people of Nineveh. The ending of the book of Jonah teaches us a few things:

First off, the reminder that Jonah is not God and doesn’t get to decide what people (or flower) is saved or not. Second, that his anger is small compared to the love of God. And finally, Jonah wasn’t willing to let go of his anger. He carried it around with him and expected the world to change to accommodate it. Instead he needed to work to actively let go of his anger and focus on the love of God.

I realized the longer I thought on it that I didn’t enjoy my hike because I brought my baggage with me. I expected the beauty of the trail to cure me of my anger inside myself. I realized how silly that was. I had to actively change my own outlook on the world to enjoy the beauty around me. I still don’t know why I was mad on Saturday, I just know that I was and I carried it along with me for the entire hike and viewed the world through that veil of anger.

After I made that realization, I decided to try again. So on Sunday I went back to Oak Hill Trail and started hiking. I made myself a few promises as I headed out on this hike:

1. I wouldn’t take any pictures.
2. I would go as slow as I wanted, this was a casual saunter through the woods, not a calorie burning push.
3. I would stop and look at things that caught my interest.
4. I would focus on God and the beauty around me as much as I could.

It worked. I took a slightly different path onto Plateau Trail and it was wonderful. If I found myself going fast, I slowed down. I stopped and looked at things. I talked to God and listened for Him talking back to me. I didn’t have many active thoughts, instead I found myself thinking “oh look at that tree!” or “I wonder what color those leaves will turn to”. I breathed deeply. I walked slowly. I enjoyed the trail and everything around me.

It’s hard to acknowledge when we’re too far in our own anger. It always seems justified, doesn’t it? I learned this weekend that I need to work harder on leaving my anger at the door and focus instead on the beauty of the world (people included!) around me. God is in everything and my anger kept me from seeing that. I know I had no reason to be angry, but I’m not going to beat myself up about that. Instead I’m going to focus on seeing beauty. God has made this beautiful world – let us rejoice and be glad in it.