I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
I wait for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning. (Psalm 130: 5-6)
For some people the end of the year is a time for reflection. I’ve spent the past two weeks looking back on my posts here and thinking about who I was at the beginning of 2019 and where I am today. I’ve grown, learned and pushed myself. I’ve made mistakes – fought with friends, spoken rashly, judged others, and more. I’ve learned about my own pride and how it causes me to stumble.
Conversely, I’ve also done my best to love and accept others. I’ve apologized for my mistakes and asked those I’ve wronged to forgive me.
Most importantly I’ve admitted that I’m flawed. Sounds silly, right? That I post weekly (ish) about my path rediscovering God and still had a difficult time accepting that I am less than without Him first and foremost in my life. My pride kept me from completely conceding my life to God. I had to humble myself and have faith.
There were times that I doubted. Times I thought I should just go back to being Asatru – there are less demands on me if I’m worshiping the old Norse Gods. I don’t know if that was a devil or my doubts, but I rejected those thoughts when they came. I focused on God and prayed (and prayed and prayed). I thanked God for all He has given me – my blessings are many. I was lost before that day two years ago when the Holy Spirit touched my soul – and I can never go back to who I was then.
I’ve read awesome books and great reading plans. I started journaling my prayers and thoughts as I’ve delved deeper into the bible. I explored James, Paul and Exodus. I learned more about Joseph (and his multicolored coat) and found his story inspired me to keep my head high and lean on God when dark times come.
I fell in love with the The Bible Project – I’m currently doing a reading about the Shema (it’s fascinating!)
I dove deeper into two different churches and found wonderful things in both.
A friend posted on Facebook that every year they pick a theme for their self-development and I love the idea. This year I want to spend more time talking to and leaning on God. I want to turn to Him more often then 3 times a day. I want to find ways to focus on him as much as possible – during the wonderful moments and those not-so-wonderful ones.
God has so much more planned for me and I want to spend more time listening to Him so I can see my path. I love the Psalm I quoted from at the beginning of this post because it helps me remember what I should be spending my time thinking about and focusing on. “I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.”
What will you be exploring in the New Year? What bible study plans are on your wish list?
I’d love to hear about where you are and what you’d like me to write about. You can find me on Facebook or you can email me at karoline AT karolinekramer DOT com.
I hope and pray that each one of you have a blessed and wonderful New Year. Thank you for supporting me as I grow and learn. I can’t wait to see what we discover together in 2020.