“…. Jesus told him, ‘Do not be afraid; just believe.’ ” (Mark 5:36)
A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I went to the Grand Canyon.
We decided to go to Grand Canyon West, which is part of the Hualapai Tribe. As part of the visit, we paid for tickets to go on the Skywalk. It juts out over the edge of the Grand Canyon. It’s made of very thick panes of clear and opaque glass, allowing a person on the bridge to look down at the canyon while they hover 4,000 feet above the ground.
I’m very scared of heights. Super super super scared of heights. Deciding to go on the bridge has to be one of the most unintelligent things I’ve done in a long, long time. Just stepping onto the bridge launched me into a full blown panic attack.
My poor sweetie was very patient and kind with me as I freaked out. He looked around and enjoyed the view as I slowly made my way off the bridge – stepping only on the opaque glass blocks. I had to step on the clear blocks a few times and that was decidedly NOT GOOD.
As soon as we got off the bridge, I burst into tears because that was one of the most frightening things I’d ever done – and I did it to myself.
There’s a reason why most people are scared of heights. When describing this part of the trip, I told a friend “my primitive cave-woman brain spoke up loud and clear about the whole thing and she was not happy.”
What does this have to do with God?
Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”“Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:25-31)
The walk onto the Skywalk and that passage remind me that I have little faith a lot of the time.
Not that I don’t believe in God – I do. But I don’t TRUST God. Not completely.
While I was on the Skywalk, my logical brain knew I was safe. I was in no danger. But I couldn’t convince my brain to stop listening to that primitive cave-woman part of me that was in full panic attack mode. I may have known logically that was safe but I didn’t believe it.
I think that sums up Peter’s adventure walking on the lake. As long as he was looking at Jesus, he was fine. But when he took in everything around him? He began to doubt and that led him to start sinking.
Most of the time I’m sinking.
And it all comes down to trust.
I love God. I’m so very grateful that I found my way back to Him.
But I doubt. I know I doubt because I don’t trust.
I’ve written before about this issue and it’s still one I struggle with. My trip to the Grand Canyon reminded me how much I still am still struggling.
Dear Lord, thank You for keeping me safe while we were visiting the Grand Canyon. Thank You for reminding me that trusting You shouldn’t be as hard as it was to walk over that bridge. I know if I stop doubting and hand my life over to You, then I won’t fall. You hold me in Your arms and keep me safe and secure. Please help me trust You completely. Amen.