Romans 12:17-21
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
One of my constant struggles is my anger. I’m not talking about my periodic road rage – I’ve actually gotten quite better about that. I’m talking about the anger that has been lingering for years. Anger at others. Anger at situations.
I’ve got quite a bit to be angry about – or do I? There are quite a few people who have really hurt me. There are situations where I was treated unfairly (in my opinion). Sometimes life sucks and I’m mad about it. Not just mad, I’m livid about those things. I think of those people and those situations and can tap right back into the anger. Then I start reliving it all and grumbling to myself and keep feeding that anger. Even if I haven’t thought about it or them in months, one thought and that slow burn turns once again into a raging fire of fury.
I want to talk about an eye-opening take on anger and how I’m using it to help me work through it. There’s a book called “Enemies of the Heart” by Andy Stanley. I came across a 5 day plan based on the book, which I accessed on the YouVersion Bible app. Just reading the 5 day plan blew my mind – I’ve added the book to my wishlist on Amazon and if I don’t get it from Santa, I’ll be treating myself after the holidays.
I’m going to paraphrase what he says. He tells us that he believes all negative emotions: guilt, anger, jealousy, etc. come from a place of either “I owe someone/something or I am owed something.”
After I read that I had to sit and think because it changed how I view all that anger inside me.
And then I put it to work. The best example I can give is one that most of you know about – how I gave up my career in radio after supporting the “Fair Play Fair Pay” effort. (You can read about that all here in the Huffington Post article.)
I was blacklisted in radio. I had to leave the career I loved because I stood up and took a stand against the National Association of Broadcasters. It, quite frankly, sucked and I was furious.
Because dammit, someone OWED me for that. I don’t know if it’s the radio stations or the NAB or the musicians I stood up for or WHO but I felt like I took this huge stand and was loved for a few months and then cast aside by everyone. I gave up my career – a career I loved so much – for all of them and what was my reward? Nothing. A freaking job at Giant Eagle, and then Amazon. Struggling for almost 2 years before I found a different career. Seeing musicians I supported come to Cleveland without even a by-your-leave. Having to beg for tickets to see musicians I pushed others to add. How DARE they do that to me??
Wow. That’s an incredible amount of anger. What a huge weight I’d been carrying around about that issue!
The reality is the simple fact that no-one owed me anything. I made a choice. I wasn’t forced to make that choice by anyone. I believed that performers should be compensated by terrestrial radio stations then and now. I support the#IRespectMusic cause completely. While my voice may no longer have a lot of sway in the industry, I still believe in the people who have been working so hard to make it happen.
I’ve made more progress on that anger in the past week over this issue than I have in almost 3 years. And this weekend I turned all of that over to God. I cannot keep holding on to that anger. Realizing how obsessed I was with this imagined debt I felt I was owed was incredible. It wasn’t easy to let it go. Working through that anger and imagined debt took me a long time. But now? I can look at the situation without emotion and see the opportunities I was given and how even though that time was incredibly rough for me, I’ve grown. I’ve changed into a better and stronger person – thanks to God’s hand on my life through all of it.
I’ll keep supporting the musicians and my friends who are part of the #IRespectMusic movement. But I’ll do it because I love them and believe in what they are doing – not because I want to keep reminding them of what I think they owe me.
I am so grateful that I added that reading plan – the steps I’ve made in working on my anger are incredible. I feel as if a heavy weight has been lifted from my heart and I’m now able to enjoy my job in a way I couldn’t before. I’m on a new journey and none of that would have been possible – not my old job, not the path I took afterwards, and definitely not the job I have now – without God in my life.
Thank you, Lord, for opening my eyes so I could truly see the damage my anger was causing to my soul. Please help me continue to release the anger I have inside of me. With you by my side, I know I can take those steps to coming closer to you and your love. Amen.