And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Roman 8:38-39 NLT)
My amendment to these verses? Nothing can separate us from God’s love except ourselves. You have to be willing to walk away from God – not that he stops loving you but you can absolutely disconnect from it if you choose. I know, cause I did so for over 30 years.
Story time: This weekend we went to church – we’d missed the past two weeks of services and I was really excited about getting back. It was…..less than I’d hoped for. The sermon was meh (I got what he was saying but how he was saying it really didn’t resonate with me), the songs were blah, and there was a woman in front of me who was talking and on her phone most of the service. I walked away from church disappointed and I hate feeling that way.
I feel out of it with God right now and have for a few days. I’ve done my readings, struggled through some prayers, but I’m just not feeling it. My friend tells me it’s ok, that we all go through times like this – where God feels distant and it’s hard to connect to him.
Confession: I have a lot of mixed up feelings about this which boil down to the question “what am I doing wrong? How do I fix it?” I don’t know what the answer is, I just know that I do not like it, not one bit, and want to fix it now.
How do you reconnect to God when you feel like he’s so very very far away?
I talked to a girlfriend and we had a long talk about the “Dark Night of the Soul”. Here’s a great article about it – a real conversation starter and it also helped me a lot.
God isn’t pushing me away. He’s helping me grow in my relationship with him.
So this morning I did something I knew I needed to do but never imagined I could do – I prayed for the people who have hurt me. I don’t have a laundry list of them, there were only 4. But I did it. Gritting my teeth the whole time but I did it and I MEANT IT.
It was incredibly difficult but I know that it’s so easy to pray for the people I love – I do that all the time! But to pray for people that I honestly wish would just go away? People who have really hurt me? That sucked.
And damnit, I felt better.
My goal is to continue to pray for those who have hurt me every morning for the netxt week. I can pray for them for 7 days and then I’ll see how I feel.
I will say this – I already feel a little better. A little more in tune with God. Just a smidge but it’s there.
I don’t know if I’m out of my dark night but I’m more confident that I’ll see the dawn eventually. And God is there waiting for me.
So the verse above that talks about nothing separating us from God’s love? Nothing can because he is always there. Waiting with more love than any of us could ever imagine.
Thank you, Lord, for your incredible patience with me while I work through all this…..stuff. You are amazing and I am so blessed to have your grace and mercy. Thank you for the friends who have been by my side while I struggle through this distance of my own making. They help me keep on the path to you and your goodness and light. Bless them and help them feel your love even more today than they did yesterday. Amen.