And David danced before the Lord with all his might; and David was girded with a linen ephod. So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the Lord with shouting, and with the sound of the trumpet. And as the ark of the Lord came into the city of David, Michal Saul’s daughter looked through a window, and saw king David leaping and dancing before the Lord; and she despised him in her heart. And they brought in the ark of the Lord, and set it in his place, in the midst of the tabernacle that David had pitched for it: and David offered burnt offerings and peace offerings before the Lord. And as soon as David had made an end of offering burnt offerings and peace offerings, he blessed the people in the name of the Lord of hosts. And he dealt among all the people, even among the whole multitude of Israel, as well to the women as men, to every one a cake of bread, and a good piece of flesh, and a flagon of wine. So all the people departed every one to his house. Then David returned to bless his household. And Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David, and said, How glorious was the king of Israel to day, who uncovered himself to day in the eyes of the handmaids of his servants, as one of the vain fellows shamelessly uncovereth himself! And David said unto Michal, It was before the Lord, which chose me before thy father, and before all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the Lord, over Israel: therefore will I play before the Lord. (2 Samuel 6:14-21
Have you ever been encouraged to be less than who you are? I know I have. The pressure to fit in – to be “normal” – is something many of us struggle with.
When I first read of David dancing, I was struck by how often I was similar to David and how many Michals there have been in my life – people who were uncomfortable with my actions and behaviors. And there have been times I have been like Michal – wanting to make sure those around me fit in. Their larger than life personalities bothered me and I was embarrassed by their actions.
As I begin another phase of diving deeper into who God wants me to be, I came across these verses again. I want to be like David. I want to dance for joy for God. I want to give Him my all and use my gifts to honor and praise Him.
How many of us have Michal moments, though? How many of us hold back – are LESS THAN – with our love of God because we want to fit in?
Many of you know I’m part of the Society for Creative Anachronism, a group dedicated to studying life before the 1600s. We have what are called Peers – think of the Knights of old. We are encouraged to adopt certain Peerlike behaviors, embodying the chivalric virtues: courage, justice, mercy, generosity, nobility, faith, and hope. A good friend of mine is on the path to becoming a Knight. As he walks that path, he’s received a lot of advice but most of it can be summed up as “be less than who you really are.” This rankled my friend and it bothered me too. Another friend told him to ignore those people because he has gifts and should use them to their fullest. Whether my friend is ever knighted remains to be seen but he is being true to himself, which is more important.
It’s our code words to each other as we bumble through life. Whenever we struggle with an issue, we remind each other that we should always choose the path that keeps us true to who we really are.
I keep thinking of those words today as I walk the path of discerning my call from God. I’ve been less than for many people in my life, and even as I ponder the call of diaconate or priesthood, I wonder if I’d really supposed to be that person God is calling me to be. Maybe it’s impostor syndrome or maybe it’s the voice of the Michals in my life – those who are trying to get me to be less than – not for myself, but for them.
All of this came to a head for me yesterday when I had a long-overdue conversation with a dear friend who also happens to be a pastor. As we were talking I mentioned what I call my “New York-ness” and how I wish I could be more like many of the priests and pastors I know – they seem to be more patient than I am.
He got quiet for a minute then said “you know, they have priests in New York, too.”
The one simple phrase opened my eyes to the truth of who God wants me to be. I kept putting up walls in my own way: I needed to be quieter, more patient, more……well, I needed to become someone who I’m not so I can serve God.
I started crying (of course) and thanked my friend for clarifying where I was going down the wrong path.
God loves me for who I am. God doesn’t want me to be less than, God wants me for my passion, my strength, my maternal love….all of it.
God knows who I am and He loves and accepts me. God wants me to be like David and embrace my strengths and dance with all my heart and soul for Him as I go through life as His servant.
I won’t listen to the voices of the Michals in my life – and I won’t allow myself to be a silencing voice any longer either.
What are you holding back from God? What fears and insecurities are keeping you from giving yourself fully to Him?
Let it go, my friends, and dance for God with your whole heart. He deserves nothing less.
Thank you God, for helping me see that You are calling me to give me all I can for You. I shouldn’t listen to the voices calling for me to be less than, because those are the voices of doubt and uncertainty. Only by giving myself fully to You can I find true joy and contentment. Amen.