“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.” (Psalm 143:8)
I’ve noticed a common theme in my readings lately – surrendering to God. It keeps coming up over and over again in everything I read. I tried to ignore it for a while. After yet another morning reading about it, I finally spent time today talking to God about it and why that’s so hard for me.
I was bullied pretty badly in my youth. Time and time again I would open myself up to people and end up being hurt. That theme has played a never ending chorus in my life – open myself up to people, get hurt. Wash, rinse, repeat.
As I was driving to work, trying to talk with God about this, I was struggling to find words. So I turned on the radio. And this song began. It’s been playing over and over on the local Christian Radio station:
The words to this song have touched me deeply whenever I heard it but today it cleared my head and helped me really talk with God about what’s on my mind. Here are the lyrics:
I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know You say I am loved When I can’t feel a thing You say I am strong When I think I am weak You say I am held When I am falling short When I don’t belong You say I am Yours And I believe I believe What You say of me I believe The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity You say I am loved When I can’t feel a thing You say I am strong When I think I am weak You say I am held When I am falling short When I don’t belong You say I am Yours And I believe I believe What You say of me I believe Taking all I have and now I’m laying it at Your feet You have every failure, God, and You’ll have every victory You say I am loved When I can’t feel a thing You say I am strong When I think I am weak You say I am held When I am falling short When I don’t belong You say I am Yours And I believe I believe What You say of me I believe Oh, I believe Yes, I believe What You say of me Oh, I believe
I love this song. Every line. Every word. But today what resonated with me most was the line “Taking all I have and now I’m laying it at Your feet”.
That’s what surrendering to God means for me. I have to stand (kneel) before Him fully me. Flaws, insecurities, issues, problems – all of it. God loves even that part of me. He has wept with me when ugly things have happened to me. He has helped me see when I caused pain like that in others – to work on that, to ask forgiveness and learn from it so I don’t (hopefully) make those mistakes again.
God is amazing. God’s grace is the most humbling thing to accept. God loves me just the way I am.
We can’t hide from Him. Oh, we can try, but that doesn’t work because hiding from God, refusing to fully surrender to Him – means that we are living life in shadow. I don’t want to live like that any more. So today, I surrendered my life to God completely. I trust Him with all my being and will spend the rest of my days trying to honor God’s grace and love by following what has been set before me. Straight up – I’m scared by the prospect of that, but also incredibly excited to know what it is like to walk with God every moment of every day. I can’t wait to find out what He has planned for me.
Thank you, God, for your incredible grace and love. Please help me stay on the path you have set before me, knowing you are at my side every step of the way. Amen.